fast
a fast indicates an intentional withdraw from something. it’s a restraint of what physically sustains you. for me, it’s a deliberate desire to get God’s attention… it’s to say that I want to be emptied just to be filled up again, but with something that fills my soul and not my stomach. Christ says, “i am the bread of life. he who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me, will never be thirsty.” john 6:35
i felt the conviction to fast for the past month, but i couldn’t get myself to do it because i wanted to enjoy spending time at a meal table with great company. after arriving in new york, i knew i needed to pay proper attention to my relationship with Him. i knew there were issues that i needed to work out and i was just prolonging the inevitable confrontation.
i spent most of last week’s fast in confession. Lord, help me of my unbelief. the first morning, i poured out a confession of disconnect, doubt and heaviness. as i confessed how overwhelming it is to be a rock in this time of uncertainty, He reminded me that this isn’t about me and what i’m capable of. He says in ii corinthians 12:9, his power is made perfect in our weakness. i realized i hadn’t surrendered myself to be an empty vessel that He can use for His glory.
admist this time, my brother and i were apartment shopping. i’ve been told that finding an apt in manhattan is a daunting task; especially within our budget. we heard it can’t be done and we were never find what we’re looking for. even before i came to new york, my brother told me our budget was too tough to work with. so we left it to God- we prayed and we wrote a list of things that we were looking for. our absolutes.
as i write this, our apt sits pretty (and humbly) between two major avenues. it’s a cozy one bedroom home that we fell in love with as soon as we saw it. and now, friends ask perplexed, “how’d you guys find this place?” it gives me great joy to say that God prepared this place for us. this is going to be where our relationship as kin flourishes. this is where He wants us to find rest and comfort and provide it to those who need it too.
moving forward, i’m grateful for the opportunities to glorify God in my life. i believe that i came here with specific purposes. i’m being reluctantly emptied, but eagerly curious to witness how He will fill me again. i know He’s the one that’s going to lead me through my next hurdle of finding a job. friends, i’m confident to say that this is where i belong right now. i’m exactly where i’m supposed to be.
Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “if anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. whoever believes in me, as the scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him” - john 7:37-38
